I'm just a SIMPLE GUY ...

".......... Seth, have you lost your mind???  I go to your space and here you have some sickeningly sweet, sensitive, luvy-duvy mushy music crap playing on your space?  Have you become a sissyboy?  Like the graphic, but it is not you!  This tune, is not you! This stuff is way to sappy for you and your space. People who visit your space will think they are lost.  Love stinks, remember?  In lieu of true love, please consider cheap dates, they will be less crippling for you.........."

My friends are always looking out for my best interest.  I feel so blessed.     
Note to self:   I need more Bounty {the quicker picker upper} handy wipes and purell-hand-sanitizer!

 

L.O.V.E. STINKS!  I will never post excessively sentimental crap on my space again and spook me friends again.  L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   I will never post excessively sentimental crap on my space again and spook my friends.  L.O.V.E. STINKS!  I will never post excessively sentimental crap on my space again and spook my friends.  L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!  I will never post excessively sentimental crap on my space again and spook my friends.  L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!  I will never post excessively sentimental crap on my space again and spook my friends.  L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!  I will never post excessively sentimental crap on my space again and spook my friends.  L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   L.O.V.E. STINKS!   

  {This certainly brings back childhood memories of school.  Bwahahaha!}

Wow just when I thought I had survived most of parenthood and finally got that semi-empty nest, what happens but someone comes along and drops an eight to ten pound gurgling, giggling, piddling and screaming little person into my arms and says this is 'Poppi' to her. "...No, not me... This can’t be happening... And I’m too young..." were no doubt some of the first thoughts that had raced through my mind, but now with her little fingers wrapped around mine and she seems to be looking directly at me with those big bright eyes I know I am doomed.  I have bought into the whole grandparent deal... hook, line and sinker.

The first true signs that I have become a 'Poppi'/grandparent are when the purchases that I have started making for my Grandbaby are almost equivalent to my monthly truck payments and some of the other signs are:

• I've bought those cute t-shirts with sayings like proud Grandpa, Grandpa’s little angel, ask grandpa.
• My digital camera and video cam has become a necessity.
• I had all my furniture re-Scotch-guarded and I have put away most breakable family heirlooms, especially by bobble-head collection.
• I have bought two safety gates for around the house.  It will be a while of course before they are needed, which is about as long as I will require to figure out how to use the damn things.
• My living room is filled with toys, a stroller, bouncy thingy, this and that, etc... and looks like a neighbourhood daycare centre.
• A portable playpen, change table, etc. have all become a permanent fixtures in my spare room.  After she wakes up three times during the night, some strange and not-so-funny young hooligan decides it's my turn, and she ends up being snuggled in a warm cosy nest beside me in bed.
• My social calendar revolves around when her Dad can have her for the night.
• Wet wipes, bum cream and pampers are now filling my bathroom counter and not to mention my bedside table.
  
  

         

  

I have come to the conclusion that babies come equipped with an internal altimeter and know the exact moment you decide to sit down while holding them. Whitney's  altimeter is so sensitive that it sets off an alarm when my knees start to bend, so I basically can't even think about sitting down when I'm trying to calm her down. Sometimes we perform a jangly polka of sorts where I start to bend my knees and she starts to fuss, and then I stand up straight again, and she stops fussing. Bend, fuss . . . up, no fuss! Bend, fuss . . . up, no fuss! Everybody, now! 

Well.... she used to sleep really well for us.  Not so now.  What happened???  I have also come to the conclusion that sleep deprivation is the REAL weapon of mass destruction. Why our Government isn't investigating Whitney's conspiracy to drive her Daddy & Poppi abso-f**king-lutely insane with the no sleeping thing is the real tragedy. (Giver her to the enemy and we'd win any war!)  She knows how to poop, she knows how to eat, SHE HAS TO KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. At 2AM in the morning she looks up at us with these huge eyes as if to say Where's the party Dudes? I was under the impression that there was a party going on. Take me to the party.

Our crying fits have slowly disintegrated into fits of eye-rolling or sighing or throwing our hands up and saying "...What the heck, child?"  Why does she have to poop THREE SECONDS after we've changed her diaper?  

When it's time to go to bed we give Whitney a warm bath, and then we turn off all the lights and mute the television just low enough that we can hear it. She's very loud when she's asleep and when she's on the verge of sleep, we hear EVERY SINGLE sound she makes -- every grunt, every sigh, every angry attempt to pass a stuttering fart. Whitney will go an average of three minutes without making a noise, and then at the end of that three minute stretch she will explode with noises as if to say "...Ha ha! Just kidding Dudes!..."

 And it doesn't really matter how many hours she's been awake during the day. Her primary goal in life right now is to torture her Daddy & Poppi on the nights that we have her, and she has figured out that the easiest way to do this is to stay awake by any means possible. Her strategy this past 24 hours is to spit out her pacifier every five or six minutes and to make loud noises until I stick it back into her mouth. So the other night I spent the hours from 12:30 AM until 3 AM sticking her pacifier back into her mouth. By 5 AM in the morning, after another feeding and another hour of pacifier relocation, I honestly considered duct taping the damn thing to her face.  But I haven't been driven that insane just yet. My level of insanity might drive me to use masking tape or at least something less industrial.

Oh my gawd, the doorbell just rang.
WHAT KIDLESS IDIOT INVENTED THE DOORBELL?

There are so many scams out there and over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic for me. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works:

Two very hot young women come over to your truck as you are loading your purchasess into the trunk. As you climb into the driver's seat, they both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.  When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing.  Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen May 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th and 29th. Also on June 1st , 2nd, twice on the 3rd, three times last night and very likely again this weekend. So tell your friends to be careful.
 P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale $9.99 each. You'll need more than one.   

I'm just passing this thought along ....

Have you ever wondered if the dollar bills in your wallet were ever in a strippers's butt crack?

If not, you're wondering now.

Later folks.

This day and everyday, should be for those men and women who gave their all to preserve our Freedom and that of all future children of this great country.  To those men and women who never came home, the POW's AND MIA's.  And to those that were killed and paid the highest price of all.  We must NEVER FORGET the service of these men and women, they served, were imprisoned and some died for us, their homes, their families, their friends and our country for a future they believed in and traditions they cherished.  The meaning of their sacrifice rest with our collective national consciousness and our future is their monument in our hearts.

So much of their sacrifice has been overlooked and belittled. They came/come back as men to a country that harassed/still harasses them for doing their duty.  Let's not be among those... instead, let's show our respect, appreciation for them.  Let us hold it our sacred duty and our inestimable privilege on this day to remember.  Our country has been truly blessed to have such great men and women serve in our military.

I also want to thank so many of those doctors and especially those nurses, who all did a monumental job for which they cannot be thanked enough.  When it came to those brave, caring souls we call nurses, theirs was the last face many GIs saw. The nurses had a very tough job and there is no way to thank them enough. Let us not forget them, the Nurses that didn't get enough credit, especially the ones in Field Hospitals. They were right out there too.